Stop Blaming Your Parents — Start Thanking Them
A Hard Look at Grown-Up Entitlement in Adult Children
My previous post, “Be Kind to Your Parents — It’s Their First Life,” came from a deep place in me. It wasn’t something I wrote because it was “nice” or “viral-worthy.”
I wrote it because I was upset.
I had just seen, again, how some grown children — in their 30s, 40s, even 50s — treat their parents with hostility, impatience, and scorn.
They speak down to them, treating them as stupid, vile or something lesser.
They blame them for everything that went wrong in their lives — for not providing enough, not being “emotionally aware,” not being “modern” enough.
And it made me so sad.
Because these same parents…
paid for their healthcare
made sure they got an education
sacrificed weekends, sleep, and comfort just to keep food on the table.
Yet their children choose to see what’s missing, not what’s there.
They search for faults instead of grace.
Not Every Parent Deserves a Medal
Yes, let’s be honest — there are parents who shouldn’t have been parents.
People who treated parenting like an accident or a burden. Some who outsourced their children to grandparents or maids while chasing their own comfort. Worse, some who inflicted real harm — physical, emotional, even sexual.
Those parents should answer to God.
They deserve correction, even judgment.
But honestly, this article isn’t about them and neither is it for them
This Is About The Ones Who Actually Tried
I’m talking about the majority.
The ones who did their best with what little they had. The ones who worked long hours, swallowed their pride, and endured unhappy marriages — just so their kids could have a better shot at life.
They weren’t perfect.
But they were present.
Or at least, they did their best for the betterment of their children’s future and lives - that’s worth something, isn’t it.
If you’re a grown adult now — with a job, a degree, a roof over your head — then somewhere along the line, someone paid the price for that. Yes of course, you have to do the work of turning up, actually studying and passing the exams, be hireable etc.
Yet, someone paid a price for the opportunity for that, isn’t it?
Our parents may not have been eloquent or emotionally mature, but they showed up.
That counts.
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
— Exodus 20:12
The Entitlement of Grown Children
Here’s what really gets to me.
Some of these adult children are educated, successful, and well-off. They know how hard life is — the bills, the exhaustion, the uncertainty — yet they still lash out at their aging parents.
They look back with resentment, not reflection.
They talk as if their parents owed them perfection.
But life doesn’t work that way.
Our parents were learning on the job.
They were “first-time humans” too — figuring things out without Google, podcasts, or therapists.
And now that we’re adults, it’s our turn to grow up.
To take responsibility for our own healing and stop weaponizing our pain against the people who gave us life.
“Love covers a multitude of sins.”
— 1 Peter 4:8
Gratitude Is a Sign of Maturity
The older I get, the more I realize: gratitude is a mark of true adulthood.
Criticizing is easy. So many chair-trolls around, not actually doing anything valuable but being proactively criticizing others…mainly so that they can feel superior, by talking down to others.
Anyone can criticize.
It takes a mature soul to say, “Thank you for what you could give.”
If you still have your parents around — thank them. Even if they weren’t perfect. Even if they got it wrong sometimes.
Because one day, you’ll wish you could.
And if they’ve already passed on, honor their effort by living well.
Build on the good they gave you.
Break the bad cycles — but don’t dishonor the people who tried to love you in the best way they knew how.
Full Circle
And maybe that’s the point.
Because as angry as I once was watching how some grown children treated their parents…I also have to admit: those grown children are learning too.
This is their first life as well.
They’re figuring out adulthood, emotions, and pain — sometimes clumsily, sometimes selfishly, sometimes late.
But we’re all still learning.
So yes, I can call out ungratefulness…and at the same time, I can also hold space for grace. Because everyone — parents and children alike — are first-time humans, trying to make sense of love, hurt, and responsibility in their own imperfect way.
And maybe the best we can do is to keep learning, forgiving, and choosing love — again and again.
Author’s Note:
This reflection came from a mix of sadness, frustration, and love. Watching family members speak harshly to the very person who raised them broke something in me — and reminded me how easy it is to forget the sacrifices that shaped us. Writing this was my way of reminding myself — and maybe you too — that grace is always the higher road.