You Can’t KEEP Blaming Your Parents
At some point above 30 years of living...it's also on you to level and grow up.
Ya I’m tired of writing these type of articles too, and I’ll keep these to a minimal moving forward. I rather focus on things that I can actually change and work on.
I’ll say it straight:
I don’t understand how some adult children — people above 35, with education, jobs, even their own families — can still treat their parents like they owe them.
They speak to their parents with contempt, as if mom and dad had personally conspired to ruin their lives.
They blame them for
not being rich
not being perfect
not being more emotionally intelligent
everything and anything
But here’s the thing — if you’re above 30 and still acting like that, it’s not your parents fault anymore…you know?
Deep down, you know it, right?
Your Parents’ Time Has Passed — Now It’s Yours
By 35, most of us have seen enough of life to know it’s not easy.
We’ve worked under bad bosses, paid bills we didn’t expect, faced health scares, breakups, disappointments. We’ve realized that survival takes grit — and that even when you do your best, it often still isn’t enough.
So why do some people, after 30 years of living, still talk to their parents as if they’ve been shortchanged in a cosmic transaction?
Your parents gave you life. They raised you with what they had, what they knew, and what they could afford.
If you wanted more — that’s your job now.
The baton has already passed.
You’re running your own race.
Stop shouting at the coach who trained you 30 years ago.
Yes, a portion of it is upbringing and family…but that’s only part of the story. The other larger part, it’s really you…and your choices and consistency.
It may suck…but I dont know man, I cant imagine spending 50 years of my life blaming another person for something they can or cannot do, when largely it’s something I can change on my end to be a better student and learner.
Yes, They Made Mistakes — But So Have You
We know that there’s no such thing as a parent who didn’t mess up.
Maybe they shouted too much.
Maybe they were emotionally unavailable.
Maybe they didn’t know how to express love in ways that made sense to you.
It’s just easy to blame our parents, and may I say it…it’s just so convenient and lazy to point finger, saying it’s someone else’s fault…but let’s be honest.
Their fault HAS a limit.
Cant be YOUR ENTIRE life sucks because your childhood suck?
Or that you weren’t born with wealth or emotionally/more intelligent parents?
For me, what I cannot change, I prefer not to waste time ruminating on it, or ruminate on what could have been.
I need to focus on what I actually can influence and change, and do it whilst I can.
It’s not as though blaming others would help me level up or grow in life.
Entitlement Dressed as Trauma
We love to dress our entitlement in the language of trauma.
We conveniently say, “I am this way because my parents didn’t love me enough,” or “I could’ve been more successful if they supported me better.”
Sometimes that’s true.
But more often than anything, it’s really a justifying rally excuse.
It’s just so much easier to point fingers backward than to take responsibility forward, ain’t it?
There’s a difference between acknowledging pain and living in blame.
One leads to healing.
The other keeps you stuck, bitter, and emotionally stunted — even at 40, 50 or above 60.
The Irony of Time
Here’s the irony:
Many of the same people who criticize their parents are now making the exact same mistakes as parents themselves.
Too busy.
Too tired.
Too distracted.
And yet, they expect their kids to extend grace — the same grace they refuse to give their own parents.
Life has a funny way of humbling us like that.
When you become a parent, suddenly you understand: love is exhausting, messy, and imperfect. It’s not about flawless execution — it’s about showing up.
And most of our parents did.
Maybe… Cut Everyone Some Slack
Here’s where I’ve softened over time.
Yes, some adult children act entitled.
Yes, some parents failed badly.
But maybe both sides are still learning.
Because even at 35, even at 55 — you’re still living your first life too. You’re still figuring out how to forgive, how to love, how to let go.
So maybe the better question isn’t, “Who’s to blame?”
Maybe it’s, “Who’s going to break the cycle?”
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” — Colossians 3:13
At 35, the real measure of maturity isn’t how well you remember your pain.
It’s how willing you are to turn that pain into wisdom — not weapons.
I chose to break the cycle rather than perpetuate it and whine like a bitch. I’ve met friends and family who subscribes to that, and it just blows my mind to hear these:
40s year old man, who decides to pay $3k-4k+ per month on a luxury car, and it’s maybe 40%+ of his salary…but NOT invest that amount into dividend stocks or ETF for his retirement. His excuse: his parents never taught him.
30s year old lady, who’s nasty and reactive to her family members, screaming, throwing things and accuse others of whatever she’s actually doing…without logic or reason other than “it’s my trauma from young”.
Final Thought
Being an asshole above 3s is no longer your parents’ fault.
It’s yours.
But healing — that’s also yours to choose.
Choose better.
Choose grace.
Because both you and your parents are still first-time humans, stumbling through the same human story of love, regret, and redemption.
I’m not saying that one cannot vent. But when it’s so much reactive anger…its no longer a once-off or seasonal challenges…or its the same-old-same-old…then it’s both a habit and a choice already.
Dont you agree?
And as you know, your habits will form your destiny and future, so choose wisely, what kind of future you want to have and what kind of person you want to be.