Yes, cry, scream – do what you need to get your emotions out of the way, and then get down to business:
solve the problem at hand
Yes I know we all have emotions and they can be overwhelming, but as I shared in an article “Complaining” that these acts of ventilating though it can be cathartic and seemingly helpful when done in moderation…
…but when taken out of hand, it can become and be a nasty bad habit that is a vicious cycle of negativity and helplessness.
Yes, emotions are good. Yes, communications is good…but I’d like to highlight the importance of moderation and functional progress.
When is it not good to ventilate/react?
- when it takes up more than 5 minutes or up to 5% of your working day
- when it gets in the way of you actually participating in life
- when your friends are either only negative/complainers/reactors
- when your relationships become moreso negative
- when it isn’t appropriate eg its a happy event, or a funeral, or something where it doesn’t fit in
- and more
Table Of Contents
THE PROBLEM IS BECAUSE IT’S ADDICTIVE AND HABITUAL
I love habits and routines.
GOOD habits and routines allows us to progress, grow and have fun.
BAD habits and routines, on the other hand, helps us to regress, ungrow and take fun in bad/negative stuff.
It’s like this:
- say I develop a habit of walking 30 minutes a day and drinking only plain water or unsweetened drinks versus me developing a habit of only sitting down and drinking 1-2 cans of sweetened drinks a day
- or when someone makes a mistake or was particularly having a bad day and it was projected to me; I harp on that for the rest of my day (and maybe life) and whenever I see the person I will always think that he/she is nasty…as opposed to me saying “looks like you’re having a tough day today, hope it gets better”
What do you think?
The real problem is truly:
- People who focus on complaining/venting/etc AREN’T AWARE that they’re doing it ie they think it’s normal when it’s not good or normal
- People who are aware but DON’T KNOW how to change it
- People who are aware and DON’T CARE (if this is you…please go away).
I find the best way to get rid of a bad habit is not to destroy it (too hard man), but instead, to REPLACE it with something better, easier and with good/better outcomes that makes me happier.
HOW TO DEVELOP PROBLEM SOLVING APPROACH TO DEALING WITH PROBLEMS
I take a very simple 4 step approach to deal with setbacks, pain, personal attacks:
- CLARIFY: is this targeted at me? Sometimes people, when in bad moods, just flare up at anyone and anything that moves. So when it’s not targeted at me but I was just nearby, I try to just ignore and walk away.
- QUALIFY: if it’s really targeted at me…is it justified? Is it worth my time? If yes, I set a time limit of say 5 min for simple problems and up to 1 hour for complex problems just to wallow.
- HOW TO PROGRESS: so once step 1 and 2 is done, then I actually do the old school way: understand the problem, what caused it, and what are the potential solutions for it
- EXECUTE: after weighing out the solutions, it’s time to execute on the best decisions, then move on.
And that’s it.
This is a very general framework that can be applied to most situations in life, be it relationships, finance/money, career, passive income and more.
The real challenges are:
- awareness of it
- taking time to think and problem solve
- executing on them consistently despite being busy/no motivation
I Decided To Learn More A…
JOIN ME IN INTUITIVE, LOVING, GENTLE AND GOOD SUCCESS AND SELF MASTERY THAT ACTUALLY MATTER. NO HYPE. NO BULLSHIT.
Hang around here for some time, you’d see that I don’t well with hype or bullshit. I can smell that typically a mile away, and I hate that shit too.
I’ve been working on myself and on NigelChua.com for years, since 2006, and only in late 2019, I started to focus on intuitive and loving leadership, entreprenership and personal development.
Here are some areas that I work on a consistent, ongoing basis.
See the Tools & Resources I use to improve my life, businesses, health, build passive income and more.
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Take action TODAY: One year from today, you’ll be one year older. What would you have done by then?
I’m the founder and writer here at NigelChua.com; as well as serial entrepreneur, therapy business entrepreneur, digital entrepreneur, investor and also happy husband, father and Christian.
I love good success and freedom and learned early in life on importance of making more and entrepreneurship. Started and sold off a business for 7-figures; built another 7-figure one and growing it further, as well as building/investing into other businesses and investments as well as advisory works.
I help motivate and/or bring clarity to people as to building their lives based on what matters most to them – this could be earning more with entrepreneurship or a side hustle; or scaling back their expenses (or kill their mindless spending and keeping up with the Joneses’); improving communications, relationships, problem-solving and other growth-related matters.
All for one main purpose: to help readers become happier by build their lives according to what matters most to them.
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