What do you feel when and after THAT hospitalization?

Someone asked me this just the other day, and it reminded me of that experience there. It was…a surreal experience, especially when I nearly died in November 2023.

I checked myself into Mount Elizabeth Novena on Sunday, 12th November 2023, when I couldnt catch my breath.

  1. the doctor first said that my heart is failing / attacked
  2. then when CT scan showed a possibility of cherry-on-top heart amyloid, which in the past is a sure-death-sentence within 5 years
  3. the time when I was scheduled for heart MRI to confirm if it’s really amyloid or not
  4. the discharge summary that indicates I509, heart failure, unspecified
  5. my body that feels tired with that half day energy dropout

For items 1-3, happened in the hospital.

I was alone for most of the time, as my wife is naturally busy with the 3 kiddos and our physiotherapy / hand therapy business in Singapore, of course.

It’s during that silence, alone-ness and tranquility that one thinks and feels more about the frailty and shortness of life. I’ve spoken about how short life is before, and frankly (maybe weirdly), I felt tranquility and at peace, even if I should have that amyloid or that I would die within 5 years or on the spot.

I dont think I’m depressed, nor am I being dramatic or morbid.

I recall thinking and talking to God, what’s the next thing if / when I die?

How would heaven look like?

I told God, that if it’s truly my time and You (God) want me to go home, I am ready, just take care of my wife and kiddos.

I recall that I was glad that if / when I die, my insurance would pay for the house and there would be death benefits payouts too, ensuring that my family wont be in lack. So there’s assurance there.

I recall that my wife would be free to remarry too, why would it matter once I’m dead? As long as the new dude doesnt cheat the money and hurt the kids, but conversely if the new dude provide an even better life, why not?

And I asked God, I would prefer though, to live another 60 years, till I’m 100, in a healthy manner; where I can enjoy my wife, enjoy my kids and watch them grow up and marry and have their own kids. I would sell the business in maybe 3-5 years OR grow it madlad, whichever more fun.

I’d rather retire early though, if it’s the stress and busy-ness of the business that’s taking a toll on my health.

I thought about crypto, hoping that if I do live, that during the next crypto and bitcoin bullrun, I think 2024-2025, my portfolio can 10X and more – that can really help me retire very comfortably in chubbyFIRE zone.

I write these without regret or disappointment. Perhaps its due to the stoic readings and trainings I had when I underwent those 18 months of hellish betrayals and unfair lawsuits by unscrupulous individuals, and I felt alright.

During which, I felt immense love of God, and His acceptance. No matter what had happened, God has and is really good and faithful.

The whole incident just solidified the idea that

  1. life is really short and fragile, and because of that,
  2. we really need to sort out our finances and retire early / financially independent as early as possible,
  3. so we can focus on stuff that truly matters such as God, family, calling, meaning, health, relationships

Which is pretty much what nigelchua.com is about anyway.

I dont think that anyone would think, when they’re faced with their mortality, that they will think that they wanna go office / work. Or that they’d miss their colleagues.

I thought of God, my wife, my kids, my family, and that I’m glad I can leave them with some finances, though I will miss them lots.

Update: I didnt die, I didnt have the death-sentence-heart-amyloid but have daily medicines for my heart, blood pressure and cholesterol and feel tired, but I’m still here.

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