One of the most self destructive habits we humans have is the sense of constant comparison, and it’s toxic. Let’s break that.

Comparing ourselves to others may be natural…but it’s terrible. Mostly, it just makes us feel worse and powerless…and worse, bitter. If you have loved ones, kids or employees, it’s important to change the way we compare such that it’s useful rather than disempowering. Here’s what I learnt.

TLDR: comparing negatively or without useful purpose can be disempoweringly painful and bitter especially when it’s too vague to do anything over, but we can reframe comparisons to be useful

Nigel, why you so fat compared to your friends and cousins?

Lol, that was one of the actual comparison that I personally received. The others that I can remember includes:

  • why cant you be as smart as your friend / cousin?

  • why cant you be as good / obedient as so-and-so?

Work-wise, I’ve come across these nuggets from clowns

  • why is employee B faster than you?

  • why must you be so difficult? why cant you just follow my grand (but stupid ideas) like employee C?

If I had a fucking dollar each time I hear these…thank goodness I am a little thick-skinned, and though it hurt then, it hurts less now.

These are all useless, vague and non-actionable comparisons that just makes me sad, pissed and bitter.

Look, we all compare all the time, it’s not something new, but it’s not useful to compare without purpose.

And dont compare just to annoy or disempower your kids or employees as bad habits. If you’re doing that, stop it.

Here’s how to do it better – since we’re gonna compare anyway (cos it’s natural), let’s at least make it useful, such as

  • compare to study the strengths and wins of others (trade improvement notes) eg “oh so and so got so good with their 3-pointer jump shot because they practiced it 2 hours a day every day”

  • compare to realize and know your own strengths (which is good) and the strengths of others to collaborate better

Where To Next?

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