If you hadn’t freed your time and achieved financial security (where your passive income from businesses or investments is the same as your living expenses), please first do that by going to this page. I personally find it very, very hard to pursue growth, wisdom, understanding, enlightenment etc if I’m struggling with lack of income or busyness/exhausted from my day job.
At the center of it all, nigelchua.com is dedicated to building the kind of lives you and I love and want – the kind of life with love, passion, sense of purpose, meaning and profound growth and existence.
Consider nigelchua.com as the study of “unlocking the true hidden game play and ending, in real life” where you consciously choose the specific kinds of outcomes and life you want to build and live.
nigelchua.com is a work-in-progress, where I document
- how I make sense of the world
- the success principles that I discovered that worked for me
- my life / business / money experiences and lessons
- includes the ongoing addition, additional and updating of my entire philosophy, thesis, reasons for being/progress, manifesto, growth, mental/emotional processing skills etc
Table Of Contents
- 1 Blue Pill or Red Pill?
- 2 Mission
- 3 Documenting My Growth Journey
- 4 First, Define What Good Success Look Like To You
- 5 My Personal Goals Of Happiness And Success
- 6 Good Success + The Art Of Fulfillment: Principles
- 7 Explore Fundamentalism To Meaning, Purpose & Actualization
- 7.1 Intro Videos To Growth, Meaning & Self Actualization
- 7.2 Foundational Videos To Watch
- 7.3 Core Concepts To Research And Understand
- 7.4 Core Practices & Techniques To Start Doing
- 7.5 Most Important Habits And Routines To Build
- 7.6 Biggest Traps Of This Life, Your Mind & The World
- 7.7 WHO Do I Write For / To?
- 7.8 WHY I Share What I Do
Blue Pill or Red Pill?
In the movie “The Matrix” when Morpheus offered Neo to choose between the red pill and the blue pill.
- The red pill represents an uncertain future—it would free him from the enslaving control of the machine-generated dream world and allow him to escape into the real world, but living the “truth of reality” is harsher and more difficult.
- On the other hand, the blue pill represents a beautiful prison—it would lead him back to ignorance, living in confined comfort without want or fear within the simulated reality of the Matrix.
As described by Morpheus: “You take the blue pill…the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill…you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” Neo chose the red pill and joins the rebellion.
We can’t become who and what we want to be by remaining what and where we are.
This includes God, Christianity, meta-cognition, awareness, conscious decision making, facing fears and overcoming them, courage, actualization, truth, finding out what makes you annoyed / tick etc.
You may even discover what makes you tick (happiness), superpowers, meaning and much, much more.
It’s hard work, and exceedingly rewarding.
I write about important topics to help individuals and parents to build lives they love and become persons they are dream to be.
I bring clarity and simple fundamentals reminder to individuals in this noisy and open-ended world, that can cause people to become confused and lost. It doesn’t help that important topics are not discussed regularly enough (perhaps, it’s the busy-ness of survival or culturally it’s just difficult).
Documenting My Growth Journey
I bought this domain name in 2009 to share what I’ve learned in my life, success, pains and passive income journey to make each area of my life as masterful and successful as I can.
Originally, it was for myself, to document my struggles, growth and adventure journey of
- improving myself
- building a good life and
- mastering good success
until a few things happened, some sudden, some over some time:
- My learning experiences as an entrepreneur since 2008
- My dad died quickly in May 2014
- I became a dad in 2015 (and again in 2017 hoho!)
- Some institutions and individuals went out of their way to hurt me and my wife legally, financially, commercially and rumors-wise
- I took an 18 month sabbatical timeout to recover, strategize and ponder
- Joined my wife in her physiotherapy start up in June 2019 – current
Things become increasingly clearer to me as I experience these experiences, on top with continuing to improve my skills as an entrepreneur, leader, business owner, father, investor etc. Some things that were important to me then, are no longer important to me now.
My style of personal development integrates hundreds of diverse perspectives, very big picture understanding, existential investigation, philosophy, mentality, goodness, love and pragmatism. My aim is to understand and experience life at the deepest and best levels possible.
If you’re looking for quick-fixes, this work isn’t for you – there will be ZERO meaningful self-transformation will happen impatiently. But if you diligently take action on everything below, you will feel and become a totally new human being.
First, Define What Good Success Look Like To You
Success is highly personal – what’s success to me can be entirely different to you, and to the next 1000 people. Sure, there may be similarities, but remember, success is different and subjective to everyone.
It’s easy to look left and right to compare “oh, that person has that, maybe that will make me happy” – it doesn’t work that way. And that is why there are so many unhappy millionaires who “achieved” but still depressed and aimless and meaningless.
To me, I believe true success is and needs to be truly “good success”, where individuals and organizations balances all three realms of achievement, fulfillment and happiness; often in spite of overwhelming or underwhelming odds and the battlefield of the mind and life as it is.
Good success will include gratitude for the present, faithfulness in the little things, creating positive lasting and sustainable hope, experiences and growth for the future; being able to dance be it rain or shine; able to bring smiles to the faces of little ones; being able to stop to observe, smell the roses, and to be present. And to be mindful of God in all we see, do and hope for.
Your job is to find out what matters most to you. To know what matters most to you, usually you will feel content as you participate in doing them – it’s sustainable.
My Personal Goals Of Happiness And Success
For me, to succeed is to achieve and maintain states and seasons of
- peacefulness (calm, contentment, peace within and without)
- happiness (less negative stuff and more positive stuff)
- flexibility (having options)
For nigelchua.com to impact 1 reader a day positively, inspiring them to improve their lives better, a day a time.
Personally for me, I feel that I want and need the “larger parts of life” to be at least more settled before I can breathe better or even live better. I don’t need $100M, but I do have a list of criteria, which includes achievement and fulfillment of at least comfortable living across these general areas:
- Passive income of at least $2000 / month
- Healthy without any major health conditions, diseases or illnesses
- Generally happy relationships with myself, spouse, children, family, friends, colleagues
- Profitable businesses with good work culture
- Flexibility to take time out, to be generous, to be kind, to smile, to be patient etc
There’s a lot more if I dive deep, but that’s me at a glance.
Good Success + The Art Of Fulfillment: Principles
- Understand your life and happiness priorities (see above – what matters most)
- God is awesome and great, and so are you (now or in time) – as long as you do not give up. If you have done wrong, repent and repay whatever you had cheated/taken from others (before God intervenes). If you have done right, good – keep doing good.
- You don’t have to be great to get started…but you have to get started to become/be great.
- Choose yourself. If not you, then who?
- Get started today. If not now, then when? The best time was then, and the next best time is today. Now.
- Start where you are. Wherever, whenever, however you are.
- You get what you give. The laws of seed time and harvest time still rings true today.
- Be faithful and accountable in the small things and you will be given much more to be faithful over.
- No one’s gonna save you, no one is going make you rich or healthier or sexier, or write your book or song or whatever for you. You can pay them for it but remember that’s 100% your life and 100% your own responsibility. Take control and responsibility over your own life.
- People will lie to save themselves from embarrassment, pain, shame and more. Watch what they do, not what they say.
- There will always be people who loves to just hear and talk and believe superficially – avoid these like the plague.
- Decide today, to grow, to love, to be courageous and to be conscious.
- Be here AND at the same time anticipate forward, visualize, plan and map your future.
- Your feelings and thoughts are your own, and for you to control. Recognize the lizard/herd mentality and the reactive feelings/thoughts, but don’t give in.
- Stop complaining.
- Stop watching TV.
- Start where you are.
- You are not who they say you are – you are who YOU say you are and what you do consistently.
- Excellence is based on excellent systems and routines, not willpower or empty show. Build a routine and sytem that brings you closer and in success, day in, day out.
- Your health matters, physical health, mental health, emotional health and spiritual health. These are the inward health. The outward health are health pertaining to relationships, money, career/business and more. Those matter too. Remember, take care of yourself too.
- Be careful who you hang out with. You typically become who you hang out with.
- Know your core strengths, then choose the best one that matches with your interest and its profitability.
- Don’t wait for others unless you have to.
- Walk away from people who are toxic, who hold you back, whom you have outgrown.
- Ready Player One: You are the controller and director of your own life and don’t be a NPC (non playable character with a fixed and broken scipt).
- Knowing is just 2% of something – acting on it, refining and growing is the 98% reason to success.
- Mistakes aren’t failure, and they’re required (will happen) en-route to success. Take them as data points.
- You have finite time, energy and resources. I rather not waste time trying to convince people to believe, to listen or to like you.
- Focus on the important things (refer to Things That Tuly Matter TTTM).
- There is no shortcut or hacks to success. Yes, you can do things smarter, but the focus is the DO THINGS, not just the smarter bit.
- How things are done is as important as the why. The what is the least important, as it is the by-product. How we live, how we speak, how we build value, in a good, positive and value-adding way, is important.
- Have a steady income first then think/talk about getting rich. If you’re wired to be an employee, it’s great. If you’re wired to be an entrepreneur, that’s good too. But have a fixed income first, to pay rent and so that you (and your loved ones) can eat and sleep well.
- Cashflow are more important than assets that are more important than liabilities. Your #1 financial job is to keep accumulating assets that keeps paying you a steady and growing pool of income regularly.
- Passive income and the passive income lifestyle is a worthy goal to unlock the next level of your life. It is very hard to grow when you’re worried about putting food on the table and paying the bills.
- Be able to think independently.
- Being able to take hits…and get up. If you fall, make sure to land on your back so you can look at the stars and skies above you, and see the wonders of the Lord. Then get up.
- The truth and your character is more important than lying or selling out or back-pedalling just to protect yourself.
- Review your actions, days, weeks, months and years regularly. Learn and grow from both successes and mistakes of yourself and others.
- Don’t waste money trying to impress others or yourself.
- Live for a cause and not applause.
- Learn how to make money…and then how to transform them into physical or digital assets that keeps paying you passive income.
- Don’t major on the minors, but major on the majors – productivity with Pareto’s Law (80/20 Rule): that 80% of your outcomes comes from the core 20%, and vice versa, that 80% of your problems comes from core 20%. So your job is to find the good 20% that gives you the 80% outcomes you want, and cull the 20% that gives you 80% of your problems. This means that you’d have bandwidth for up to another 4 more meaningful 20% effort life projects.
- Bad people…do bad things. It’s what they do and who they are. It’s not that important to understand why, because (most of the time it’s because of stuff you cannot control or influence anyway) and you have more important things to do with your time, effort and resources.
- Revenge is best served by way of massive success…and don’t worry too about the stuff that was stolen or taken from you. Some will not come back, but material things will find their way back to their rightful owners, usually 10-100X than before.
- Life is a fascinating adventure and journey of growth, self discovery, learning and loving. Or not, if you decide not to.
- To become rich, yes, follow the money BUT don’t sellout your values for money. Sellout money for values, love and growth. And you’d earn 10-100X more.
- Do and say the right thing, even if it’s hard or scary. And do it anyway. You’d be grateful for it in the long term.
- You doing the right thing doesn’t mean people will do the right thing. Misguided and bad people may still cheat you, rob you, hurt you, slander you, spread nasty rumors about you…but keep doing the right thing. Most of the bad people will get what is due to them, as it’s a vicious cycle for them anyway.
- Only quality people
- You don’t get what you want in life but you get what and who you are.
- If you do what is easy…your life will be hard. If you do what is hard…your life will be easy
- Things happen for you not to you.
- Life and God is on your side. I’m on your side.
- Focus on the important things that matter. Not the things or people that don’t.
- You’ll get opportunity. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll get hurt. Yes.
- Build to last.
- Think and ponder.
- Look for your 0.01% tribe.
- The more consistent, honest and industrious I am, the more lucky and successful I seem to be.
- We become what we think about.
- In order to be successful, we have to do and invest today to get the fruits down the road later. Directly, consciously or otherwise.
- Wiring/programming your mind for success, wealth, love and whatever you want.
- In the beginning you must compensate for lack of experience, expertise and knowhow with time, effort and hours. And often, being used and cheated by others (at least in the earlier, initial stages).
- Yes you can.
- Good success.
- Values, principles and virtues-based success.
- You get what you tolerate.
- Don’t be a volunteer or willing victim.
- Most people fail or become bad because they don’t know that they don’t know but they think they know.
- It’s not over until you become successful. Until then, you do not stop.
- First things first. First order prioritization.
- Go deeper. Seek to understand the truths and apply them.
- State of Constant optimization
- Have/get a life. Don’t just sit around watch TV and trying to catch or comment on what people say or do.
- Watch your money – everyone and every organizations want your money.
- Especially when you have no plans for your money.
- If you’re going through hell or a dark place now…dont stop or stay there or worse, don’t become like them – go through and exit it.
- Label/Limit Breaker
- Invisible scripts
- (Pre)Position Yourself For Success
- Above all, choose God, love, forgiveness, hope and faith.
- Pursue Wisdom:
- Biblical Wisdom of Proverbs
- Wisdom of the Stoics
- Wisdom of Marcus Aurelius
Explore Fundamentalism To Meaning, Purpose & Actualization
You should spend at least a 100 hours learning and mastering the foundations and fundamental theories. Action is very important, but without first understanding the roots of your problems, that action will easily be misdirected or distracted.
It takes time for the big picture to form and make sense in your mind…and it will be worth it.
Intro Videos To Growth, Meaning & Self Actualization
- The Big Picture Of Self-Actualization
- How To Get Started With Self-Actualization
- A Vision For The Self-Actualized Life
- Becoming A Modern Philospher-Sage
Foundational Videos To Watch
These videos lay out the basic principles for how to self-actualize.
They focus not on quick-fixes but helping you develop a deep understanding of your problems. You don’t have to watch them in order. Use your intuition and wisdom to determine which videos to watch first.
- Low Quality vs High Quality Consciousness
- Question Everything: Thinking About Thinking
- Fake Growth vs Real Growth
- Balancing Theory vs Practice
- The 3 Levels Of Personal Development Work
- How To Deal With Confusion
- Using Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs To Self-Actualize
- Understanding Awareness
- Awareness Alone Is Curative
- How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions
- Overcoming Addiction
- Lifestyle Minimalism
- One Simple Rule For Acing Life
- Being Patient
- The Grand Model Of Psychological Evolution
- 30 Ways Society Fucks You In The Ass
- The Happiness Spectrum
- What Is Happiness?
- The Happiness Trap
- Paradoxes Of Personal Development
- The Role Of Balance In Personal Development
- The Ultimate Model Of Human Knowledge
- Understanding How Paradigms Work
- True vs False Skepticism
- How To Be A Strategic Motherfucker
- How To Get Shit Done
- How To Unleash Your Ambition
- How To Stop Being A Victim – Part 1
- How To Stop Being A Victim – Part 2
- Understanding Responsibility versus Blame
- How Your Mind Distorts Reality
- Grasping The Illusory Nature Of Thought
- Radical Open-mindedness
- Spiritual Enlightenment Intro
- Spiritual Enlightenment – Part 2
- Spiritual Enlightenment – Part 3
- How To Become Enlightened
- The Enlightened Self
- Enlightenment Guided Inquiry
- Becoming A Zen Devil
- Mystical Traditions Around The World
- All Of Religion Explained In One Video
- Why People Seem Crazy
- Mindfulness Meditation
- Meditation Techniques: Do Nothing
- Concentration vs Meditation
- Meditation On Steroids
- The Highest Hero’s Journey
- How To Develop Big Picture Understanding
- How You Lie
- 10 Important Things You Don’t Know You Want
- Intro To Systems Thinking
- How To Deal With Loneliness
- Understanding Default Position
- Build Your Infrastructure For Success
- A Rant Against Naive Realism
- How To Control Anger – Part 2
- The Mechanics Of Belief
- The Dark Side Of Meditation
- How To Develop An Interest In Truth
- What’s Wrong With Ego
- You’re Not Happy Because You Don’t Really Want To Be
- A Rant Against Morality
- How To Stop Moralizing
- The Power Of Self-Acceptance
- Why Rationality Is Wrong
- Free Will vs Determinism
- 40 Signs That You Are Neurotic
- Contemplating Your Own Death
- Masculinity vs Femininity
- Lower vs Higher Self
- Science vs Religion
- How To Be A Leader
- Understanding Emotions – Part 1
- What Is Karma?
- How To Stop Backsliding
- How To Stop Being Lazy
- Understanding The Authentic Self
- How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You
- How To Master Your Emotions
- Advice For High School And College Students
- Increase Your Results From Self Help Products By 10x
- How To Use Psychedelics For Personal Development
Core Concepts To Research And Understand
Many of these concepts are discussed throughout all my videos. Many of them are recurring themes, which need to be understood from different angles. You will need to study all of these deeply if you want to understand how to significantly transform yourself.
- Mastery, 10,000 Hour Rule, Deliberate Practice, Deep Work, Self-Discipline creates freedom
- Enlightenment, Spirituality, Nonduality, Mysticism, Mindfulness
- Being vs Doing vs Having
- Spiritual Purification
- Enlightenment Traps
- Radical Openmindedness
- Beliefs vs Direct Experience
- Epistemology, Paradigms, Web of Beliefs, Dogma
- Spiral Dynamics, Clare Graves
- Systems Thinking
- Consciousness, Awareness
- Meditation vs Concentration vs Contemplation vs Self-Inquiry
- Embracing Paradox
- Loving Kindness
- Life Purpose, Hero’s Journey
- Negative vs Positive Motivation
- Emotional Labor
- Patience, Setting Right Expectations
- Nutrition, Exercise, Fasting
- Breathing Techniques
- Morality, Good vs Evil, Projection
- Religion vs Science, False Skepticism, Limits of Rationality, Limits of Logic, Limits of Science
- Mystical Traditions: Zen, Tantra, Advaita Vedanta, Buddhism, Yoga, Hinduism, Sufism, Kabbalah, shamanism, etc.
- Meditation Techniques: Mindfulness Meditation with Labeling, Do Nothing, Focus On Breath, Mantra Meditation, etc.
- Self-Actualization as described by Maslow
- Neuroticism, Victim Mindset
- Judgment, Moralization
- True Happiness vs False Happiness, Distinguishing Success vs Growth
- Gross vs Subtle
- Culture, Marketing, Society
- Overcoming Addictions, Hard Addictions, Soft Addictions
- What are thoughts, what is thinking, what are symbols, the map is not the territory
- What Is God?, Absolute Truth vs Relative Truth, True Self vs Ego
- Importance of Balance
- Balancing Theory vs Practice
- Psychedelics, and How To Use Them Properly
- Shadow Work
- Goal Setting, Productivity, Habits
- Morning Routine
- How To Be Creative
- Lying, Manipulation, Self-Bias
- Authentic Communication and Relationships
- Distraction, Ego Backlashes, Backsliding, Dark Night of the Soul, Resistance, Self-Sabotage, The Dark Side of Meditation
- Kinds of Emotions, that emotions are self-manipulations
- Depression, Anger, Sadness, Loneliness, Fear
- Ego Traps, Turning Inward vs Turning Outward
- Taking Responsibility vs Blaming, Victim Mentality
- Health vs Unhealthy Suffering
- Being A Leader
- Honesty, Authenticity
- Unconditional Love
- Reprogramming Your Subconscious Mind
- Personality Types: Big 5 Aspects, Myers-Briggs, etc.
- Masculine vs Feminine Psychology
Core Practices & Techniques To Start Doing
Use the following methods to implement the abstract concepts from above. You don’t need to use them all. Pick and choose whatever suits you. Some of these techniques are very deep, requiring research and years of training.
- Daily Reading / Audio books
- Mindfulness Meditation With Labeling
- Holotropic Breathwork
- Concentration Practice
- Spiritual Autolysis
- Vegetarian/Vegan/Plant-based whole food diet
- Clean Up Diet: sugar, processes foods, all wheat products, all dairy products, meat, etc.
- Comprehensive Bloodwork: check your thyroid, liver, lipids, hormones, vitamin levels, etc.
- Mantra Meditation
- Taking Notes, Keeping A Commonplace Book
- Solo Retreats
- Find Your Life Purpose
- 4 hours Zone of Genius work every day
- Doing Self-Help Courses
- Attending Workshops & Seminars
- Vipassana Retreats
- Enlightenment Intensives
- Researching self-help products, seminars, books, retreats, courses, techniques
- Quit Toxic Relationships
- Psychedelics: Mushrooms, LSD, DMT, 5-MeO, 2C-B, Ayahausca, etc.
- Shadow Work
- Lucid Dreaming
- Astral Projection
- Life Coaching
- Nathaniel Branden’s Self-Esteem Sentence Completions
- Physical Exercise: Gym, Weight lifting, Cardio, etc.
- Conscious Body Relaxation
- Conscious Breathing
- Quit Hard Addictions: Junk food, drugs, alcohol, coffee, smoking, porn, video games, etc.
- Quit Soft Addictions: Theorizing, judging, success, being loved, perfectionism, being right, etc.
- Clean Up Information In-take: TV, phone, internet, YT, Facebook, politics, gossip, music, etc.
- Being Out In Nature
- Socializing, Pickup
- Minimizing Your Lifestyle
- Cleaning/Organizing Your Clutter
- Contemplating Your Death
- Sitting And Strategizing About Your Future, Making Plans
- Strong Morning Routines
- Mindful Eating
- Walking Meditation
- Binaural Beats
- Neurofeedback Brain Training
- Heart Rate Variability (HRV) Training
- Light Machine
- Isolation Tank
- Sedona Method
- Seeking Out Masterful Teachers
- Public Speaking, Toastmasters
Most Important Habits And Routines To Build
These habits produce high-yield results, although not immediately. They take time to snowball, but once they do, life becomes much better. Always install 1 habit at a time.
- Daily Meditation (especially strict mindfulness with labeling)
- Daily Reading / Audio Books
- Strong Morning Routine
- Very Clean Plant-Based Diet
- Daily Self-Inquiry
- Create & Follow Your Do Not Do List
- Daily Journaling
- Taking Notes, Commonplace Book
- Eliminating Hard Addictions
- Eliminating Soft Addictions
- Daily Concentration Practice
- Psychedelics (done for spiritual growth, not recreationally)
- Attending Retreats/Workshops
- Doing Self-Help Courses
- Finding Your Life Purpose
- Sitting And Strategizing About Your Future, Making Plans
- Shadow Work
Biggest Traps Of This Life, Your Mind & The World
There are 100’s of traps. Your mind will be your greatest enemy.
Here are the most common traps people fall into:
- Chasing quick-fixes. Not wanting to explore issues deeply or solve problems at their root.
- Not taking ownership of your life. Hoping for someone to give you a 1-2-3 step formula for success & happiness.
- Trying to be like someone else rather than working to discover YOUR authentic self.
- Chasing ideals and ideas of goodness.
- Feeling like it’s too late, I’m too old to change, I’ve wasted so much time.
- Staying loyal to toxic friends/family who are holding you back.
- Not reading, not learning, not doing enough research.
- Expecting this work to be easy and pleasant.
- Learning from too few perspectives, thus getting an incomplete picture, not having enough options.
- Judging, moralizing, criticizing, debating, arguing, blaming.
- Asking for “scientific proof”, as if someone can prove quality-of-life improvements to you.
- Being so skeptical of everything that you don’t put the theory into practice.
- Speculating about and conceptualizing enlightenment, mystical experiences, and spiritual growth.
- Clinging to a naive realist paradigm, believing that reality is physical, logical, and Newtonian.
- Assuming that modern science has figured out most of reality.
- Underestimating the massive negative effects of mainstream culture, diet, media, entertainment, beliefs, etc.
- Not understanding how happiness really works. Thinking that external conditions or possessions produce happiness. Chasing gross material pleasures.
- Confusing success with happiness or true growth.
- Assuming that successful people, like your favorite role-models, celebrities, professors, CEOs, etc are happy.
- Not recognizing that mystical experiences are real and possible for you to have.
- Becoming ideological about anything whatsoever (theory, techniques, science, logic, politics, etc), not realizing that all human perspectives are partial.
- Confusing Truth with knowledge/belief
- Assuming that reality is rational, mistaking scientific maps and models for being.
- Working a job/career just for the money.
- Being stuck in wage slavery, working a 9-5 job, not having control of your schedule.
- Eating the Standard American Diet of wheat, dairy, sugar, meat, and processed foods.
- Assuming that personal development is all mental work, not doing any development or purification of your body.
- Consuming mainstream media. Not realizing how toxic modern media and entertainment is.
- Not taking full responsibility for your life
- Whining and complaining about how your situation is unfair and impossible to change.
- Not valuing or pursuing truth for its own sake. Treating truth as a luxury.
- Dismissing theory, philosophy, and beliefs as “merely” philosophy.
- Studying tons of theory without ever taking action. Improperly balancing your ratio of theory to practice. Mental masturbation.
- Keyboard-jockeying: over-conceptualizing, discussing, talking shit, and speculating but never embodying what is talked about.
- Having a short time horizon for all your goals, plans, and projects.
- Over-packing your schedule, leaving no time to sit, think, or meditate.
- Valuing and pursuing gross experiences vs subtle ones.
- Assuming that consciousness is a physical by-product of the brain.
- Assuming that you are physical body, or etherial soul.
- Projecting onto the teacher you’re learning from. Getting triggered by teachers. Holding grudges. Debating with them. Trying to school your teacher.
- Clinging to the idea of good and evil, not realizing that these are all your projections.
- Going on a crusade to save the world or vanquish evil. Getting overly focused on acting “good” in the external world vs working on your own inner demons.
- Assuming that if life is meaningless, that’s a bad thing.
- Setting unrealistic expectations. Being too impatience. Expecting big results to come quickly.
- Trying to change too much too fast. Lack of focus.
- Getting overwhelmed with all the options. Indecisiveness.
- Not taking action because, “I don’t know how.”
- Underestimating how much growth is possible. How much better your life can become.
- Assuming boundaries between objects are scientific, physically given.
- Distracting yourself from facing emptiness, negative emotions, loneliness, and ego backlashes.
- Misusing psychedelics: using them recreationally, using them socially, using them without proper research.
- Conceptually misunderstanding enlightenment
- Confusing enlightenment with a sensory experience or emotional state
- Trying to install too many new habits at once.
- Quitting meditation or self-inquiry when negative emotions or resistance surfaces.
- Not being decisive, thus maintaining the status quo by default.
- Not having a big vision for your life.
- Using negative motivation to get stuff done.
- Motivating yourself through competition with others, trying to “be the best”.
- Making your vision all about personal success and wealth rather than contributing to the world.
- Being too cheap, not investing in books, courses, workshops, etc. Undervaluing self-education.
- Chasing after love, success, pleasure, excitement, rather than pursuing Truth and understanding.
- Assuming you need certain physical conditions to be happy.
- Conflating knowledge acquisition with growth/development.
- Dismissing “new age” concepts like spirits, aliens, God, healing, love, etc.
- Demonizing psychedelics.
- Not taking massive action. Assuming that “things will just work out”. No they won’t!
- Not having a spiritual practice because you’ve been told there’s nothing to seek.
- Expecting people close to you to understand and support your efforts to grow.
- Trying in frustration to get everyone around you to change or become interested in personal development or spirituality.
- Not realizing or appreciating the incredible value of this work.
- Quitting when resistance kicks in.
- Quitting when emotional upheaval surfaces.
- Not getting back on track after backsliding or quitting. Beating yourself up for failures.
- Letting yourself get lulled back to sleep by our toxic and indifferent culture.
WHO Do I Write For / To?
Yes, 20-years old me.
I started off lost, pretty much like most person out there (I think), and I didn’t know how to answer the large questions in life, and I had to find out as I went along and got information, data, feedback and experience.
School of hard knocks and made lots of mistakes along the way.
Looking back, I would happily paid much of my money and earnings to have a mentor to share and guide me when I was younger and lost.
Note to self: it seems that there are still lots of lost people out there, no matter their age or gender.
My kids, Olivia and David.
I started off the blog nigelchua.com to write for the younger me, and as I got more life experiences, thought more, went through more successes and failures, and ultimately, when I became a father – my goals leveled up.
Now, I also write for my kids, to provide a reference point for them to grow. Especially if something happened to me earlier than I wish. So yes, nigelchua.com is somewhat instructional love letter to my kids.
Kids Who Don’t Have Parents
Or parents who either don’t have the capacity to talk about such matters.
- Sometimes, some parents are present physically but absent mentally, emotionally.
- Some parents are absent some or most of the time. Maybe some may be in jail.
- Maybe some parents died early.
- Sometimes parents don’t think or teach or speak about such matters.
- Or some are too young and decided to give the children up.
These things happen.
BUT DON’T GIVE UP. I’m not giving up on you – we’re here now, aren’t we? =)
Then allow me speak to you, in love, as your pseudo-internet father.
For You, My Readers
For my readers, who have been with me since day 1 when nigelchua.com was born, thank you.
For those who reach out to connect with me, thank you.
It’s your reaching out, connecting and your stories and emails of how my writings and videos inspired, motivated and changed your life for the better that keeps me going and makes it all worthwhile.
I write this in case of when I’m gone, my kids and friends and readers may want to read what and how I think how this world works with both good things and bad things interacting like a massive piece of puzzle. For everyone else, I am more than happy to be called your internet pseudo-dad. I write this to you as well with my wish to guide and speak to you to build and live a better life.
So on this site, I openly and honestly share with you what’s worked for me (and what hasn’t worked) to make me successful in my own life, providing you with the best concepts, principles, and strategies for life mastery in my experience and perspective.
I realize that God has given me a big heart to love a lot, and to have a heart for many people and things.
It’s also sometimes interesting where I get so emotional where my eyes will well up with tears when I hear wonderful stories of people overcoming shit and unfairness and challenges.
And those who are hungry to breakthrough from where they’re stuck in life.
To Answer Questions Like “Dad, What Should I Do? What’s Right What’s Wrong?”
- What’s good or bad?
- What should I do?
- Where should I go?
- And many more
Sometimes things seem to be so…open-ended, for the lack of a better word.
Like, anything is possible and anything can happen.
Yeah that’s generally the case, but we need to discuss the framework of
- what makes a good life
- what makes a good person
- what makes a good decision
- etc etc
The reason being is because sometimes the world is so noisy, that it seems that the loudest, noisiest and sexiest person wins…really? Do you think that the most charismatic or personality person will win?
Perhaps, in the short term.
But character, especially good character, stands out magnificently. A sexy or loud asshole will also stand out of course, in a magnificent way too I guess.
The question is, what would you like to be known for?
Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
I still see the world is a fascinating place, and our lives as an adventure in
- discovering ourselves, our values, our strengths, our weaknesses
- discovering the pain and beauty of the world
- discovering the awesomeness of God and all His creation
When I was born, I was taken care of by my parents and family. For this, I am eternally grateful – no one physically in this world can replace the love my parents had for me. And I wish the same of you.
If you hadn’t have or had good parents (and not because you understand wrongly, but because they seem to be true assholes), then at least, give thanks for them for giving you life. As I wrote earlier, I will be more than happy to be your pseudo-internet father. I may not have met you before, but I care for you and I wish the best for you.
This is just the beginning of your best adventures of your life – just see.
Just being alive, being able to breathe air into your lungs, being able to see with your eyes, hear with your ears, move and touch with your hands and feet, to be able to stand, walk, dress and move about – if you can do these well, you’re off to a good start.
It’s what you do from here, this starting point on, that makes all the difference.
To Discuss Difficult, Open-ended & Important Topics
Stuff that needs to be discussed regularly by every parent and every individual today. Not just a once-off event, but as a regular conversation point.
Kinda like “the bird and bees” sort of conversations I guess.
To improve your life, it’s generally a 3-step process:
- foundational / fundamental values that you (want) to believe in and stand for
- deciding / making decisions on how to manage certain situations when you come across it or to set your habits and routines
- process of the doing based on the decision that you made which is based on the foundational values as mentioned above
I try to cover these 3 processes throughout nigelchua.com.
Once you know what you know and know where you want to go and what you want to stand for, it makes it easy for you to decide
- when you want to achieve a certain something in life
- when you’re lost or confused – come here to get some insight or focus or ask me a question
- when shit happens (and we know shit will happen at some point…sometimes it’s a shitstorm) – but hang on tight and ride through it
And that’s what this me and my blog here is about – to cover the important stuff that we need to talk about more in society.
These are my observations and life lessons which I learn over the course of my life, and I will refine them as I go along and experience more. Read whichever suits you in this season of your life, and apply.
To Get You To Choose Yourself
You have to root for yourself, and take actions to move in the direction where you want to go and to become who you want to. No one can force you, not me not anyone.
I hope you choose yourself and experience more epiphanies and serendipities…and more importantly, to get unstuck, to progress and to not waste time.
If we do not plan our goals and take consistent actions to take us where we want to go, other people will plan for us and use us to take them to where they want to go.
To Let You Know That Someone Cares For You
I do. I care and I believe in you.
It’s weird, as I type this, I’m getting emotional and the nice kind of fuzzy feeling. I really care for you and I want the best for you. I may not know you in person (yet) but I care for you and I wish the best for you.
Do not give up, as it’s just the beginning of a wonderful adventure and journey in life. I’m rooting for you. I’m with you. God too is with you every step of the way.
Remember, growth and progress takes consistent effort and attention, over a period of time.
Everyone and anyone you know who is successful today and yesterday did not becomes successful by dabbling. Think of successful people such as Tony Robbins, Ray Dalio, Bruce Lee, the famous Beatles, Warren Buffett.
Every. Single. Success. Story. Is. The. Same.
They all took time to hone and refine their craft mastery.
Don’t underestimate what, where and who you’d turn out to be after 3, 5, 10+ years.
Remember, the most lasting legends and legacies all take time to master themselves and their art and contribution – this means that you need to put in the consistent work in to get to where and who you want to become.
Go. For. It.
And then tell me bout your adventures, your ups and downs – I want to hear all about it. I’m just a message or email away.
PS: If you simply love something I wrote or shared, do consider to pay it forward and share it among your friends, family and colleagues or supporting my mission. I want to improve as many lives as I can, and that’s the best way for you to support that mission. Thank you so much for your support.
Where To Next?
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- Go to the Start Here it’s created to be my good success and life thesis, so it’s very content heavy (Read: lots of words and links to resources, write ups and videos). It’s constantly updated too with new data and updates as often as I can.
- If you like videos, head to All Videos – all the latest (and all) videos are uploaded there.
- Visit the Blog to read the latest articles and videos. You can see all / my entire list of previous articles here: Archive
- Head over my Resources page to see the curated products and services I use / have used to improve different aspects of my life be it business, relationships, health and more. Note: recommendations in nigelchua.com may be affiliate links, which means I may get paid if you choose to buy through my affiliate link.
- If you’d like to ask me any questions, head to the Questions/Ask Nigel section
- Contact me if you like to thank me for helping you in some way (please, always tell me – it’s such emails that I truly look forward to), interview me, ask me to try a product, or media inquiries.
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