Have you seen someone trying hard to get something but just cant get it?
- Could be money or wealth.
- Could be love or relationship or that guy or that girl.
Just that whatever they try so hard for…it seems to elude them.
And then the other corner, there’s a bunch of people who don’t seem to care BUT they actually get what they want.
Heard that story before?
Aldous Huxley coined the term ‘The Law of Reversed Effort’ to explain that the harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed.
Is this true?
I’ve experienced this personally and know individuals and even businesses who experience this
This happens a lot in life.
An example is when people chase after happiness and joy.
They will say things like “I want to be happy” and they may do everything remotely possible to make their lives happier…but they dont get happier. They try and try but happiness seems to avoid them.
Ironically they get less happy.
Conversely…people who dont really care about happiness or joy…seems happier and fulfilled.
Another common example is when banks start calling you to offer you loans…WHEN you don’t need the loan or the money.
Or when people avoid committing to someone because they seem needy or trying too hard.
Or when clients are adamant and insistent to engage you when you’re fully booked, or I reject them or don’t need new business or clients?
So why do some people try so hard but dont get what they want?
And yet another group of people who don’t seem to try so hard just gets what they want?
What are we missing?
I find the issue stems from 3 main things
#1 They spend too much time dreaming, talking and thinking about the end result and what they will do with it than actually doing what is required
- talking / dreaming about benefits of jogging or what to wear to jog than to actually fucking jog – just wear that running gear and go jog
- talking / dreaming about earning $100K, $1M or whatever amount and what they will do with the money when they get there….instead of putting the work to actually earn
- liking the idea of falling in love and being in a relationship instead of actually liking or loving the person in the relationship
It’s distraction from doing what is important.
#2 Taking Short Cuts
Taking short cuts is where many businesses and relationships start to fail because they start taking short term transactional thinking, and people may start to compromise quality and ethics.
This is like taking clients as cash cows or special ones like convenience, minus any real relationship.
It becomes a “how much can I take in the shortest time possible”.
This approach will kill relationships and businesses, because no one wants to be with someone that just takes and takes without giving, loving or committing.
#3 Trying too hard & Spending too little energy and effort on the process itself
This is the actual focus that you need to be at. You got to love the process and love the execution.
If you’re a baker and own a bakery, you gotta enjoy the process involved including the waking up early, buying the ingredients, preparing the dough and the process of letting it rise, baking, slicing and packing and then selling and networking to build the brand, dealing with customers etc
If you’re a physical therapist, the magic is in it’s falling in love with your patients and the process of healing them from injury to zero pain and normal movement
If you’re in a relationship, you pay attention to your special someone and what they like, what they don’t like. You give them time, love, energy etc, again and again. It’s that daily “saying hey baby, how’s your day” and “I love you” and “I’m sorry”
You got to love the process and daily do the processes and improving them consistently
How Can You Get What You Want?
You got to disconnect from the end result and you got to fall in love with the process.
- If you want six pack abs, you gotta exercise, cut your unhealthy food intake on a daily basis, for 6-12+ months.
- If you want good clean teeth and dental hygiene, you gotta floss and brush your teeth at least twice a day everyday. Avoid sticky sweets.
- If you want to build a good business, you gotta fall in love with your clients, find out what’s their #1 problem that you can solve and help them solve it again and again transparently and damn well
- If you want a loving relationship or marriage, you got to put in the effort of the little kisses, flirting, the how’s your day baby and I’ve got you baby
That’s really it. The magic is in the diligence and the process.
This can be applied to ANYTHING that you want in life be it relationships, love, money, business – anything at all.
Remember, end results that you want come as a byproduct of consistent doing and improvement. Don’t just dream or talk about it, execute and do something about it consistently.
I’m the founder and writer here at NigelChua.com; as well as serial entrepreneur, therapy business entrepreneur, digital entrepreneur, investor and also happy husband, father and Christian.
I love good success and freedom and learned early in life on importance of making more and entrepreneurship. Started and sold off a business for 7-figures; built another 7-figure one and growing it further, as well as building/investing into other businesses and investments as well as advisory works.
I help motivate and/or bring clarity to people as to building their lives based on what matters most to them – this could be earning more with entrepreneurship or a side hustle; or scaling back their expenses (or kill their mindless spending and keeping up with the Joneses’); improving communications, relationships, problem-solving and other growth-related matters.
All for one main purpose: to help readers become happier by build their lives according to what matters most to them.