Just met one of my close buddies and best friend, and we chanced across talking about a mutual associate whose antics over the previous weeks and months became more and more apparent to be self centered, negative and a little bitter.
Perhaps, something happened to him but looking at the multiple opportunities that we had observed on how he interacts with us, we’ve concluded that maybe we have to just stay away from him for now.
This is the same guy whom I also have shared resources that doesn’t include me gaining anything monetary wise, but when I tried to ask about how to do a certain thing where I can hustle on the side, which he is already doing, he abruptly told me that he’s busy with house moving.
I thought it odd, so I decided to pursue it on my own.
I decided to not interact with him anymore or so much – simply because I’ve finite time and energy, and I don’t want to waste time on such individuals.
19th January 2021 Edited
- Removed some paragraphs that is unnecessary
- Add: this individual reached out to welcome me to the team that he is in and to show me the ropes etc as well as to clarify that he indeed a tough time in last quarter of 2020 – it was just bad timing. As he had reached out and clarified with me, I have too reciprocated my friendship with him and continue conversations – ideally work towards better relationship too.
- Later he read this blog and reached out to me to clarify and I have clarified my perspective to him, apologized for not clarifying with him and writing on personal matters; and would like to clarify more and work anything out over coffee and be even better together – messaged him and called him but no response, maybe too early in the morning (7 am) – I hope and wish to resolve this and move on together.
- He responded to my text! Set a time to chat at 11 am to clarify and I wish to resolve and reconcile and move forward together.
- Had good voice call with him:
We both apologized to each other for what had happened, and for making/causing directly or indirectly the pains; and both shared about our struggles and pains that we went through. I clarified that the blog was less than 1% about him and even then, it’s not entirely about him, it’s just a snippet of a moment. I also apologized for not reaching out to clarify and to ask if he needed help.
I was touched and anxious and trembling as we both shared and affirmed each other’s feelings, thoughts, struggles and hopes, and ended the conversation to deepen the friendship moving forward. I…am glad that we had the clarity chat just now, painful as it was prior to it, because it seems like our friendship will grow a lot more hereon.
Note to self: need to increase in generosity of my soul, mind and spirit to others (eg checking in and clarifying instead of withdrawing); and not everyone is self-centered like who I experienced earlier in my life.
False Metrics & Scores
Like many others, many think that by keeping a clean and positive score and track record (and accolades), they have success.
It’s not enough.
Not every metric is important, and especially for some more than the other.
- What’s the point of winning or gaining the world but losing one’s own soul?
- What’s the point of winning by throwing others under the bus so that one can proceed?
- What’s the point of looking good outside metrics but shitty on the inside?
Those are but shallow successes to me.
Yes I am aware we all have our demons and struggles, and I understand. I honor the struggle and the struggle is real.
However, deciding to throw someone under the bus, or lying or cheating “to get ahead” is truly “a rush to the bottom”.
The real question is: What then is the real metrics that truly matters?
Rush To The Bottom
I’ve share this before, on how it’s a shame when people and organizations play the short game.
It’s just a stupid rush to the bottom.
And at the bottom of this bottom, is where the lowest beings and things are, which I don’t want you to go.
It’s where people who have “all they can have in the world, but still feel unhappy, unaccomplished or dissatisfied”. And we all know and have heard of millionaires or billionaires who are like that.
It’s a silly way to live.
That’s why for years I’ve said that the “how money is made” and “how we do things” is infinitely more important that whatever material gains we can ever make.
The truth is that we as humans are happiest when we do good things well, together. As well as sharing and growing together.
Yes, making that 1st $100K is great.
And that $1M is great too.
But frankly, after a while, the next $1M…doesn’t seem as good. The feeling isn’t as awesome. And the next $1M after? I
t becomes a number.
Of course I believe in good success entrepreneurship, and earning hundreds of thousands if not millions will be a normal byproduct of a good business. But not at the cost of good success, good humanity and good works.
The Good Long Game
I believe that:
- good success, which entails truly delivering good value and serving each other well, even when NOT making money from them
- alone, I can go fast…but together, we will go far
The short and stupid game of “hey let’s cheat / defraud / kill this person to take his or her belongings” – and then have to do it again and again. I’ve had this done to me countless of times by very shortsighted individuals:
- who lied and coerced to take assets that I built away and hurt my reputation
- who lied and scandalized untruths to hurt my reputation
- who cheated one of my businesses by hundreds of thousands because another person wanted “quick money on the books”
So many more – this is the reason why I am very selected on and of who I work with, because people who play the short stupid game, is actually the slowest in the long run.
Here is a simplified explanation:
You can grow beansprouts very very quickly, but their commercial and nutritional value is very poor. Conversely, to grow apple orchards or durian plantations, it takes years if not at least a decade, but their fruits are very commercial with high nutritional value.
Worse, how many persons can the cheater cheat? Or the liar lie? Or the killer kill?
Not to mention, building based on good values, love, sincerity – these are stuff that will attract more people and individuals who practice good values, love and sincerity, and weed out the negative ones.
Of course, it helps when I am quick to fire toxic individuals because they just are toxic and poison companies and culture.
Sure, maybe 10.
Maybe more – but really, that’s it. Not only do these people do not build assets that can truly grow and outlive their lifetimes, but they also build a life revolving around pain, deceit and negativity….which will only attract and multiply more pain, deceit and negativity.
No matter how they try to whitewash and do PR – the truth will always surface.
Of course, there will always be people and organizations who will try to cheat you…just avoid these like the plague. Do not look at the money or anything they offer you…firstly, it’s dirty money. Secondly, if they can cheat others…they will cheat you too.
Playing the long and good game seems slow in the beginning, but as it takes traction and speed, it will grow very fast as well. There are so many ways to define “game”, which can be life as a whole, or businesses and investment; but for me, I love to align everything together, because I can’t compartmentalize that way.
I believe in good alignment and integration – it’s impossible for me to be good and Godly and yet invest in businesses or investment that practices shady tactics, evilness etc no matter how much money it can make me. I cannot stay in a company or with an individual who can and will cheat, coerce, manipulate or defraud others, no matter how much they pay me.
I won’t and I can’t.
I will only be involved in businesses and investments that I can look at my children and family, grandparents and God in the eye and say that “this is a good business, and we do good things and add good value to the world, where ethics, integrity and love matters”.
The Real Metrics That Matters
So remember, as you build your lives, businesses, etc – ask yourself,
- will God, at the end of the day, say, “well done, my good and faithful servant”
- how would you like to do business?
- how would you like your legacy to be?
- how would you like your family and children to be?
- how would you like your employees and business partners to be?
- who would you like to be and become?
Do good business and do it right and good, for the long term by pursuing real metrics that truly matters.
I’m the founder and writer here at NigelChua.com; as well as serial entrepreneur, therapy business entrepreneur, digital entrepreneur, investor and also happy husband, father and Christian.
Started and sold off a business for 7-figures; built another 7-figure one and growing it further, plus building/investing into other businesses and investments as well as advisory works.
Nowadays I share and teach entrepreneurship, financial independence, retiring early as well as building and living a life you love.
Thank you so much for your time and I hope it’s helpful for you.